


i don't know myself

by generalmanagement



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, a healthy dose of angst, idk what this is really im just depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 00:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16713235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/generalmanagement/pseuds/generalmanagement
Summary: it's suffocating, but it's better to keep my mouth shut





	i don't know myself

Sadness had been attacking Han Jisung. He went through the motions like a pro - wake up, eat, go to practice, eat some more, record, eat again, sleep. It did an excellent job of hiding how empty he felt inside. It got worse with each passing day.

 

Every night for the past few weeks, Jisung had settled in for hours of sleepless tossing and turning. This night was no different. His mind played every single thing he’d done wrong that day on repeat. A misstep while dancing, choking up during a conversation, or even chewing too loudly at lunch. He tried any method he could to make him fall asleep faster. Counting sheep, ASMR, and staring at his phone until his eyes were exhausted. Nothing worked.

 

“Useless, useless,” he muttered to himself, careful not to be too loud as to wake his roommate, Seungmin. He truly felt useless. Tonight, and every night, he felt useless. He felt like he couldn’t dance, rap, or sing. He knew that, objectively, none of this was true, but his feelings seemed to take precedence.

 

He got up to splash some water on his face in the bathroom. His mind was racing at what seemed like a million miles per hour.  _ This too, shall pass. _ His personal motto. He stared himself down in the mirror.  _ But what if it doesn’t? What if I feel like this forever?  _ Before he knew it, he was crying. He couldn’t stand to look at himself, so he sank to the floor.  _ Useless, useless, Han Jisung. _

 

“Sungie?” A familiar, but tired, voice rang out. Seungmin’s.

 

“Don’t - don’t look at me,” Jisung sobbed out.

 

“Jisung, what’s wrong? Please talk to me,” said Seungmin as he moved to sit beside Jisung on the bathroom floor.

 

“I - I’m useless. I’ll be useless for - forever. I can’t do anything right.”

 

“Listen to me,” Seungmin said sternly, cupping Jisung’s face in his hands. “You are not useless. You will never be useless. You are one of the most talented people I know.” Jisung turned his face to the side, still sniffling. 

 

“ _ Listen, _ ” whisper-yelled Seungmin, turning the younger’s face back around. “You are amazing. You are an irreplaceable part of our team. Believe me.”

 

“O - okay,” replied Jisung quietly, still sniffling and hiccuping. Although it didn’t show, he felt much stronger after Seungmin’s pep talk.

 

“Back to bed for you. Now.” Seungmin hugged Jisung tightly while he said this. He knew Jisung had his lows, but he knew that he’d be there whenever they struck. Jisung was never alone.


End file.
